Sailing... an excerpt from my memoir

I had a dream one night while I was serving in the youth ministry under a man named Andrew Page. I was on a big luxurious Ocean liner- a cruise boat. It was beautiful.Top of the line. Pristine white against the crystal blue ocean. I was content and happy as I saw a small fishing boat approaching in the distance. A solo man in ragged clothes standing on the one propeller boat. As he got closer I saw that he was standing over the side holding a long spear. He was spearing fish. As his little silver boat moved toward my cruise liner I saw that it was Andrew Page. Our boats met on the ocean and he helped me into his boat and we sailed off spearing fish together. At the time I did not know it, but this man would become my husband and the father of my three sons. He would become my best friend and I would be his wife and his first lover.

The morning of my wedding day I woke up early.I had been planning on sleeping in but I was excited. My first thought was that I was going to kiss Andrew today. Then I started thinking "oh my goodness we are going to have sex tonight." I was going to have sex with a man I had never kissed...whom I had never seen naked..and with whom had never seen me but fully clothed. My thoughts were racing as I went down to the gym to workout.

When I met Andrew Page my first impression of him was nothing. He was nothing out of the ordinary to look at. He had bright blue eyes and he was a little on the chubby side. He usually dressed in frumpy jeans and fleece pullovers. I had just become involved in the church in which he was employed. He was in charge of a service for middle school kids and I wanted to volunteer with that age group of girls. I had experienced enough heartache and made my share of mistakes to last a lifetime and I was only nineteen. If I could influence even one girl to take a different direction than I had I figured it would be worth it or it would at least give some meaning to my past. Sunday mornings I would go to church and all the volunteers would pray in Andrews office. His services consisted of crazy games which often involved disgusting foods or sticking kids to the wall with duck tape. I watched him preach and lead his team.I watched how the kids adored him.
At this time in my life I wasn't really thinking about dating. Trying to get over an ex and find my way with Jesus was all consuming. However it seemed that many Christian men were not trying so hard to not date me. I got inquiries all the time and people asking my friends if I was single or what is the deal with Lindsay. This alone made me want to figure out this whole new way of dating.I started pouring over books on Christian dating and reading the bible; specifically Song of Songs. There is a scripture in that book that talks about how foxes sneak in and ruin the vineyards. I thought about how my vineyards, my heart, and my body had been broken over and over again. I decided that my future looked different. This was a new day and a new season. I prayed and sought direction on what this meant to me. What did it look like to protect myself without becoming hard? God spoke to me about how He wanted to be my first love. How I was to protect my heart for my husband and with that I was to protect my body. In my conversation with God I asked him; "How do I protect what has already been broken?" In the depths of my heart I knew that I had to make a boundary for myself and that I would not have any physical relationship (including kissing) with a man until the day I got married.. ( to be continued)